my world according to me.

*: According to Firefox the way I initially spelled dietitians (dieticians) is wrong, but dictionary.com says I’m all good. The English language and its many forms of spelling/pronouncing certain words/letter sounds will never cease to amaze me. I swear I wish I could go back to school and study linguistics on a graduate level. It interests me greatly. I full admit, I am a word nerd. But…what kind of career does one pursue after that course of study? Hmmmm…

Praise lil 8lb 6oz Jesus! : ) She got released officially yesterday. They have put her on a medicine to stop the clotting & she’s doing well. She’s lucky to have a sister who is there for her and helping her along the way. Now the real work begins & I’m ready to help her in any way I can. I’ve started researching nutritionists and dietitians* in her local area who can give her the help/support she needs to make a complete lifestyle overhaul. Hopefully she will be receptive to change. I know this whole ordeal kinda scared her a little, so hopefully that fear will propel her to greatness.

Ok. So. Can someome tell me why people think it’s so easy to go to college? Like you can just wake up one Wednesday morning & say “by jove, I fancy I’ll go to college on now!” & then magically be transported to the land of haughty professors & never ending research papers. *sigh* Nevermind a little thing called an application process as well as exams needed to enter most graduate programs. Nah, those certainly have no bearing on ANYTHING. Also, it certainly doesn’t cost money, right? Naaaahhhhh. There’s a money fairy to provide for me to not only go to school, but do basic things I’ve grown accustomed to like…eating n shit.

Tis no secret that I’m over my job. At this point it’s just another place I go to tweet & tumbl. Apparently talking about my displeasure w/ my job means I need to quit post haste & enroll in school. I’ve had two people, in just as many days, tell me “you should just put in your notice & go back to school!” Sure…I’ll get riiiight on that.

Now, of course school is something on my radar, but it’s not an immediate plan of action. Mainly bcoz of $$$ it costs to even try to get accepted. The idea of taking the GMAT or GRE is hella daunting as well because I suck @ taking tests. And math. It’s REALLY not my strong suit.

I dunno. Something’s gotta give. Either I grin & say it’s great when someone asks about the gig or smile and say “I’ll get right on that” the next time someone tells me I should go back to school.

Because God forbed I express some sort of negative emotion while venting. Everything’s always fine with me. Everyone else can have bad days or feel down, but not J. She’s only here to provide YOU a shoulder to cry on; not cry on yours…

Well this devolved into the root of the problem rather quickly…

I want to crawl into a hole & not be disturbed until the new year. Just when I thought I was making strides, the sads come in & sit on my chest. I feel like I can’t even breathe right now. All I wanna do is go home & burrow under my covers. God I hate this feeling.

so i’ve not completely given up on the online dating thing. i kept plugging away at it for two reasons 1) it’s amusing & b) i’m desperate i’m not exactly a social butterfly these days so it seems to be a viable option. plus every time i talk to someone about giving up, they talk me out of it. anyway…

so i met this guy. we’ll call him V because…that’s his first initial. he initially sent me a message complimenting me & i was like “ugh…oh boy…not this again.” here’s the thing, if a guy sends me a msg talmbout i’m beautiful or w/e, i tend to write him off immediately. i’m average (at best) on a good day…& most guys who’ve sent complimentary msgs followed up shortly thereafter asking ‘bout the size of my tits or if we could hook up…biblically. [note to any one’s who reading this & online dating—apparently single & ready to mingle in your headline means “oh i certainly will suck your dick after exchanging 3 msgs on a website” in online dating language] so there’s that. anyway, i was polite & thanked him for the compliment & that’s all. i was sure that the exchange was over at this point, but he sent a few more smgs w/ decent content & we built a rapport. so i gave him my google voice # & we talked a lil bit in real time.

super nice. seems cool. but. he’s just…i dunno. i don’t see it for us. something doesn’t quite curl over the way it needs to, lol. part of it is that i have this mold of ideal man in my head that he does not fit. another part of it is that i’m just too scared to even start to go all in w/ someone again. we’re nowhere near that stage yet, but i’m still cool on even approaching it in any way…

everyone who sends me a mass text on christmas is being written down. for when i see them at a later date, i will punch them in the throak. #deathtomassholidaytexts